I have one month and six days before I turn another year older. Since I've realized this terrible truth, I have found some reality to all the illusions I've placed before myself. Most people might over pour with bad feelings from reading, seeing, or hearing this. To me, this is my everlasting conundrum of bliss. Some might say I am a strong, smart, independent, & deep individual. This might be true but if I dig deep enough inside, I'd disagree. I'm exactly the opposite. I'm a scared, confused, codependent, & shallow person. If the people I rely on to make it through each day aren't there I cry myself to sleep. My heart stops in its tracks when I'm put in the spotlight for something I'm unsure of or strange. If someone gives me general directions, I can't grasp the idea until there are eloquent details. I lie to myself, as well as others to protect either them or me from how horrifying the truth can be. I'm only a childish pawn in this game of knights, rooks, and queens. Yet, I'm the only one to "check Mate" in this extant game of international chess. Why can't people accept more of the truth and stop bluffing to get by each day. I accept the fact that I plastered myself into the shape that people described me and I was stupid enough to to believe my own bluff for as long as I played it. But, now my independence has been taken away, along with the hellish co-dependence of my nature. What does does that do you ask? It melts the components that made my plastered shell and mixes my two standards until I breakdown, and permanently lose myself to the worlds' massive amount of pressure.

For you, this might have no importance. But for me, this is who I am. I am the the only person to see inside my head and live my long life until even dirt or dust is younger than my brittle base. This is me, myself, & I. Together, we are one organism with a pulse. Separate, We are nothing more than a tense or way to establish ourselves.